So it’s been a long time since I’ve blogged, and for anyone who used to read my blog regularly (years ago) it would seem as if I’ve disappeared off the face of the planet. I stopped blogging regularly these last couple of years for a few reasons – but most of them can be attributed to my life being busy with full time work, and the rest attributed to my personal struggles in my walk with God. Things haven’t been easy for me these last 4-5 years, and it has troubled me to not have been able to keep in contact with people since the end of my university days. I hope to be able to give a quick summary here to help people get up to speed with my life.
The last 4-5 years of struggles have caused me to reflect on how God has impacted my life over the last decade. In particular, I was thinking back to the first post I made towards this blog, because it felt like a similar time where I was crying out to God for help with the positives and negatives in my life at the time. “The Counter Break – to break or be broken” was a title I chose for this blog over 8 years ago; it was set as a milestone to help me see how God would work in my life, how He would carry me through my struggles, and what sorts of blessings and hardships He would bring to me in the coming years. In short, He gave me 4 wonderful years during my days in university. These were the 4 years where I really grew as a Christian and where I was blessed with an abundance of things which I felt insecure about back in high school (namely friendships, self-confidence and direction in life). Those of you who read this blog were perhaps part of those 4 years of my life. I really treasure the friendships I forged back then and feel a sense of regret of not being to stay in touch with everyone (but such is the realities of life, and only having 24 hours in a day). But then there were 4 years where I really struggled as a Christian, doubting in my own faith, losing a lot of the blessings I had perhaps taken for granted in the earlier 4 years. I lost friendships, self-confidence and direction in life. You could almost say God un-did a lot of the good He gave to me. Something that came so sweetly in my time of need was merely temporary and was soon taken away from me.
All up, I would say that today I am perhaps in a similar position to where I was 8 years ago. But God has definitely grown me and giving me much more to help me with my current stage in life – the ability to work, the wisdom to try and choose a good routine for my life, a number of close companions to keep my life in check. I would definitely say that in regards to my blog title I have “broken through” and “been broken” over the last 8 years. I got to experience the wonderful blessings that God could bring to someone who felt that death was a viable alternative to life. I got to also experience the fleeting aspect of life – the humility of when you place your security in temporary things and they pass away, even in things which seem “godly”. Even though my faith is currently a mess, I would still reflect and say that God has definitely made the foundation of my faith firmer through the things I’ve learned from my experiences.
Today, I’m not here to lament over the things I’ve lost (I’ve been doing that for the last 4 years already). But today marks the first day I take a step forward from this downward trajectory and try to make changes in my life which will hopefully be more God-glorifying and hopefully receive more of God’s blessings. There is much to explain to everyone about all that God has shown me in these last 4 years but I want to assure everyone that though I am currently not as proactive as a Christian as I was back then, my faith is even more solid than ever! This is a year of many changes to me, the first one of them being a change of churches (I hope to be able to publicly explain that to some degree here, but I do welcome everyone to come ask me personally about this). And I am even more keen to see how God will continue to work in my life. Will I “break [through]” or “be broken” this time? The answer is probably both.
P.S – Yes my writing style could definitely do with a lot of improving; it goes to show what happens when you don’t write regularly after a long period of time (that, and also working in a job which is largely numbers-based).