Okay serious post this time. Feeling a bit more relaxed increases the thoughts that flow through my head, rather than just all the stuff I’ve been focusing on in uni. Okay, while I was absent from the blogging world, I did manage to click onto a few people’s blogs; people I sort of knew but not especially well. This was all part of the various ways I had procrastinated in studying for the final exams. I found people’s blogs via their Facebook page; it’s easy to stalk through Facebook, so care must be taken when posting personal details onto the Internet, I’ll deal with that in another post.
Anyway, the thing I noticed in everyone’s blog, no matter who it was, is that there are a couple of posts which are serious (like this one and some of my previous others), but are also…depressing. There are posts which reveal people’s disappointment towards a variety of issues: mostly school marks and friends. In these depressing posts, the bloggers write in a way that you would never expect to be like if you were talking to them face to face. In fact, they blog up words they would probably never be able to say to anyone’s face, let alone themselves.
it’s quite sad then, thinking about how everyone (evidently), hides a part of themselves away from others for fear of the sadness ruining other people’s happiness. I’m not much different from them perhaps. In regards to that weird poem I blogged up a couple of months back, that would be an example of words that I would think but not say, and yet I would have the nerve to put it down on a virtual piece of paper and then allow people to view it. However, I am grateful for a number of people addressing that post with me privately, others in a les subtle way. It’s good to know that people can approach me if I’m feeling sad about something, and somehow manage to leak those feelings onto the Internet. But the main problem I see in doing so is as follows:
Suppose you are sad and you choose not to express your feelings face to face with other people; and let’s also assume that you wouldn’t know how to express your feelings in words anyhow. This means you keep that entity of feeling as an expressionless thought in your heart/mind, never to be told to the world. But through blogging, people are always able to find a way to express their thoughts and feelings where verbal communication fails (I guess this is maybe because I have all the time in the world to think about how to turn my feelings into words). And consequently, the though and feeling that was meant to be kept from everyone else, is suddenly released to others via their blogs, and what shouldn’t have been, becomes in reality.
Now think of the reader’s position. Given the scenario above, we would assume then that there are no verbal conversations that deal with sad or depressing matters on account of simply not being able to express that sadness with words. In plain English, this just means you never talk about it and hence should never expect to talk about it, and never will want to talk about it (because it hasn’t happened in the past). But if you read about someone’s sorrows and disturbed thoughts, then two things go through your mind:
1) You’ve just read about someone’s feelings on a blog that they otherwise would never say to you in person; hence you shouldn’t really be aware of these feelings and so may considering ignoring them.
2) But because they are your friend’s sad feelings, you should deal with them, even though you’ve never actually talked about them in person.
Then we have a conflicting scenario where the reader should address the blogger because it’s their responsibility as a friend. However, in trying to bring up the issue in conversation, you might instead be intruding on someone’s privacy. A blog is after all like a journal, for people to put their personal thoughts and feelings in it; things that aren’t normally meant to be seen or known by others. But by publishing it online you begin to blur the boundaries about what is considered as personal and not in your life, as do the people who read it.
The technical truth is that, if you decide to put it on the Internet, it no longer is considered as “private” information. So for everyone else who blogs, remember that if it goes on the Internet, other people are bound to read it, whether they know you or not (damn stalkers).
Another things that bugs me about this is just seeing two sides of people who blog; there’s the person that you see in person, at school, at uni, wherever; and they act a certain way, say certain things, do certain things. And then there’s the same person but at home in front of their computer, and blogging on stuff that you’d never think they would think about because they’ve never showed it in real life. Who is the real person then? The one you see face to face, or the one who blogs? Maybe they’re both the real person, in which you wonder why they hold back that part of themselves they keep at home in front of the computer.
One of the things that I remember that I’m been trying to do is to be the same person both in person and when I blog. It’s so easy to become an entirely different person in front of your computer, over msn, on Facebook, on Battle.Net, yeah. Why do you want to be an entirely different when you interact with your friends in a different way? It’s kind of slack to make people second guess how you will act and react to the same thing but in different environments. I most certainly faced a very extreme example of this, where I was not able to read the feelings of one of friends over msn, had a communication error and blood was spilt the next day.
Final words: if you’re going to express something to the people around you in multiple ways, do be careful that it’s the same message. Be prepared to be the same person that you when you blog or do whatever over the Internet and in person. You are not anymore protected from the people around you when you’re in front of your computer, than you are in person. You can hurt and can be hurt in as much the same way. At the end of the day, there’s no need to be afraid of hiding feelings that you want to share with other people. If they are your friends they will be more than happy that you trust them enough to share your pain with them; and in doing so it can be possible to always be the same person that you are, wherever you are.