I would never have thought that I’d come across another day where I’d really be pushed to the brink of oblivion but I suppose at the back of my head I knew these days will never cease. I suppose quite a lot of stress has built up from a number of things that have happened, are happening and are going to happen, recently, and I can honestly say now my integrity is truly being put to the test.
But rather than being helpless in my situation, I’m more rather faced with some very heavy burdens to carry and very heavy tasks to fulfil in the coming days, ranging from things at uni, at church, and with certain people. I can’t say my troubles have come full circle, but there are perhaps more than enough now to upset the harmony in my life. As a result I guess it’s put me into an unstable mode, and while I’m still a fair distance from the edge, the brink of oblivion draws closer. I have no doubts that I won’t truly get pushed over the edge unless of course it is God’s will that I be broken. My only fear is whether I’ll be able to return from oblivion or not.
The thing from all the pressure that’s built up is that finally the dramatic irony of suffering begins to shine through. But how would it be dramatic irony if other people saw it? As such it is called dramatic irony because no-one else is meant to know; and consequently it requires not showing it in order to preserve its ironic state. Perhaps this is the danger of shouldering too much by oneself, and as much as it shows the frailty of every one of us as people, I somewhat stand in awe at just how strong I have been so far through Christ. And what He has been able to help me do and get through gives me assurance and comfort; knowing that Christ’s strength is limitless.
But these times are tough and the next week really is going to test out just how much I’ve grown as a Christian and where my limit truly is. I suppose the really sad thing is that when all of it becomes dramatic irony in the eyes of everyone else, there truly is no benefit in suffering; and it isn’t true suffering if it is not done alone and oblivious to the eyes of others.
Still, part of me beckons the torrent of trouble to draw closer, to test me and try me for who I hope in. I’m definitely not excited, though not afraid, and clearly this will be what influences my sudden change in blogging style.
Part of my sanity was restored when I found this video on YouTube just a while ago. I certainly do hope it’s actually real in spite of the claims by people who think it’s fake. I’m certainly convinced it is real because such emotion cannot be artificially generated. This is a video about a guy who clearly faces oppression as a human being, let alone a Christian: