To a Former Friend…

I thought that day was the last I’d ever see your presence
I fled from that which reminded me of much frustration and agony
It was not easy to part ways with you
For I did value you and perhaps somewhat you did so me
But on the flip side of the coin
I am blinded to the warmth of your company
And what I thought I saw in you as a friend was not
And who I thought you were, you were not
In spite of the comfort and conversation you had once offered me
(Though perhaps not just once or twice)
I question what it is that those days are long gone
And who you and what you say and what you do
No longer match my old fading memory of you

How it is that you could have treated me so
Caused me much anguish and distress
To wonder why you act thusly towards me
But never to find the reason that would sway you so
Could you not see what you did to me
Could you not see the hurt, the scars you inflicted on me
Was it so easy for you to become blind to such a blemish
That you would focus on my specks but not your log
I have long grown tired of trying
Of hoping that perhaps our bond could be restored
It is no longer something I want to try to rebuild
The echoes of your voice left my mind, left my memories
I no longer wanted to bear the pain of seeing the distance between us
For surely it was one problem I could not solve
I called out to you, but you did not reply
I spoke to you as though I were reminiscing to a wall
My voice grew hoarse and I looked at myself
Seeing the decay from my patience and perseverance
But this time perseverance will not finish its work
For I will soon decay if I continue to run this race
So I bid farewell to you in my heart
And hoped that you had already done so

 

But now you call out to me and I hear your voice
Though I want to respond I hesitate for moments on end
Would I want to resurrect the dying hope that I laid to rest
It would be a difficult thing to do, as hard as it was to make myself heard
I no longer want to try, I no longer want to persist
You have long shattered whatever glimmer of hope I cherished
And so as my voice is not heard, so neither shall yours
I will turn a blind eye and ear as you have
And perhaps you will realise what it is you have done to our bond
But I will never end up like you
I will continue to treasure my bonds
I will not hold any regrets of our former friendship
The joy and happiness that it brought
I can only say that now, it cannot be
And perhaps, it will never be
Till you understand the pain my heart reflects

 

I will not answer your call
I have grown cold to your voice
And surely my faith is gone
Let my soul rest from the anguish
Plague my thoughts no more with what we cannot share
Haunt my dreams no more with what you cannot fix
For if you could you would’ve done so
But I will be too long gone when you come to be able to do so
My patience wore out long ago
Hate me if you must, despise me and feel regret if it satisfies you
Perhaps it is my weakness that has brought upon this
But I say it once and I say it again
I have lost you as a friend, as much as you have lost me…

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