Juxtapose yourself next to who you were last year, or who you were the year before, or the year before that. What are the differences you see? Have things gotten better? Have they gotten worse? Which self would you prefer to be, the one now or the one of the past? It’s not often in our busy daily lives now that we take time off to reflect on how far we’ve come from where we started, wherever you choose your starting point to be; kindergarten, high school, mid high school, university…
One way we evaluate how far we’ve come is to see how much we’ve achieved. By the things we’ve done we could say: “I’ve been able to do a lot of things and I’m really happy at where it’s lead me to today.” On the other hand one might go: “I haven’t done anything or achieved anything in the last X years, I would prefer to go back in time, so that I could get another chance to improve further. Our expectations and ideals are what drives us in how satisfied we are at things. However much we accomplish or fall short of would never be seen as the question as long as we could say: “I have no regrets” regardless of what we’ve done.
I looked through my old blogs recently, including the very first one I started. It was hard to find, I had hidden it from everyone and myself; but once I found it I realized why. It was complete filth! It was the most disgusting pieces of writing I had ever seen. I could not believe that “that” was how I was 4 years ago, that my blogging style was so contradictory to me claiming to be a Christian. And where I am today I am so thankful that I’ve been able to change; that God was able to change me from being someone like I was back then, to someone who is at least better than that right now.
In truth I did wish I was more today. I did wish I had managed to achieve and accomplish more; that all the problems of my past would’ve been completely resolved; that everything would’ve been exactly the way I had wished for it. I sometimes feel disappointed that after so long, God still hadn’t answered all my prayers in perhaps the way that I had wanted Him to answer in. Part of me wanted to continue being patient, another part wanted to give up, and another said that it was already done. But no matter which scenario was the actual truth (whether God has answered, will answer, or will not answer, my prayer) I cannot deny that I am different that who I was before, and that God certainly has changed my scenario.
Today was much better than last year, or the year before that. Though it’s not the best year, I am glad for the changes that has taken place. Though today still has its problems, unresolved from the past, I would not hesitate to say that I prefer today over back then. Sometimes we forget where we’ve come from and don’t realize where we’ve gone to. But if we take a step back and run through our eyes the differences in our lives now and back then, we slowly come to see that God has indeed blessed us in what he has helped us to achieve.. And in light of whatever suffering we may be facing today, we can look back and see what God has taken us away from, and look forward and smile as God continues to lead us in His love.