Okay here’s the big section probably just on shopping. Firstly I will say that I didn’t really buy everything I had wanted to; but then it’s not like the list of what I want has an end. So what I managed to buy this time round was more than enough. Money-wise we didn’t spend all too much but dad did transfer over like $1.5K AUD over during like the last week.
Okay; the first and foremost topic related to shopping was travel. Since we lived in Tuen Mun, we are far away from like the rest of Hong Kong, which is a huge drag. Catching a bus to Tsuen Wan takes 30 minutes far out! So you can imagine what it would be like to say get out to Mong Kok. So usually our days were long BECAUSE a lot of the time was spent travelling. I suppose this can help me get used to travelling to university Praise God for the MTR and Octopus cards; which when compared with Australia’s transport system, makes Australia look like a turtle flipped on its back. So even though travelling did take close to an hour, it would’ve surely taken two back in this country.
We mostly went out to Tsuen Wan to buy clothes and other houseware. Computing stuff I went down to Sham Sui Po and anime stuff at Mong Kok. I guess I sort of have like an entirely new wardrobe now; I’ve got like nearly at least 3 of every type of clothing: shirts (long-sleeved/short-sleeved), pants/trousers/jeans, jackets/hoodies. It’s hard buying clothes with my mum sort of because they have to meet her standards first before I’m allowed to make a purchase, which kind of sucks. And of course the counter problem is that I keep saying “no” to my mum when she tries to pick clothes for me; the old and the young have different tastes duh.
Funny how I myself was not contempt with the number of clothes I bought there; I think I’ve developed that shopaholic nature where it’ nearly became one purchase after another for me, not a good thing to pick up haha. But yeah I think I have enough new clothes; and if I don’t I will not buy any here until I go back to Hong Kong (obviously), since I’m near flat broke now T.T”
Apart from clothes I bought a few anime things, nothing particularly special; just random ornaments and plushies and other novelty anime-based items. I think I should’ve gone for one more plushie but then I was afraid that we’d run out of space in our luggage so I didn’t. But yes in the end there really was no more space so I guess a third plsuhie wouldn’t have fit anyway haha.
Tech-wise I have a new phone now, thanks to my uncle (the uber rich one and dad of the cousin closest to my age). He said he was trying to find this $1700 laptop (HKD btw) which was apparently made in Taiwan. But they had run out of stock when we came back so he got me the phone instead. But still, the hope that a $1700 HKD laptop exists is hard to believe, but I guess I trust his word. I also walked through that giant computer underground area in Sham Sui Po with my cousins; I didn’t really buy much but I guess that’s because I have no need for much stuff.
And well at this point it’s been two weeks since I’ve come back from Hong Kong and I’ve been so overloaded from university that I can’t remember what else I wanted to blog about my trip to Hong Kong. I guess I wish I can go back again at the end of this year; hopefully after I get a job and have earned back something.and yeah next time round I’ll be more directed in what I want to do there, what I want to buy and stuff.
Actually,there is still one more thing I could talk about. My original purpose in going to Hong Kong was to get time apart to think on stuff. Well I didn’t get much of an opportunity to do so But I think I can to a resolve after I came back. It’s not the result I wanted but I guess it’s the best course of action for now. Trying to figure out how to better my life; I can see that it’s very hard to and to do so would be to really put in like all of my energy which I know is a bad thing to do. Putting in my all at a time like this is fairly detrimental to my health.
First off I realize that the major burden in my life is my parents. As shameful as that is it is the truth and somehow I just don’t believe the fault lies with me. I know that’s arrogant thinking but this is the thought they imposed on me: that everything is always my fault and never theirs’. I can’t comprehend that type of logic and I guess they’re both becoming of age and are attaining senile logic which is messed up. But now as of Friday, tonight, I have worked out with justification that living in obedience and harmony to my parents is too rare to be possible and that it shouldn’t be a priority.
I remember my mum saying in Hong Kong that my dad said this when they got married: that he never had any intentions to have children and if they did, it would be m mum’s responsibility. And so therefore if my dad never wanted to be my father then I should do my best and change circumstances so that I do recognise him as my dad; if he’s going to have that attitude since the beginning then I’ll love him and let him have the consequence of it because it’s what he wants obviously.
And my mum, wow, her IQ is way below 100 and it just stuns me whenever a word comes out of her mouth. Tonight I told her that I needed to go to the city next Saturday to attend the child protection course which is necessary for my leadership role at church. What was her response? “What?! If you’re going to have to go to the city for that then just don’t be a leader anymore. What’s the point anyway? Just attend regular church and just leave it at that.” And it is finally now that I can confidently say she is a hypocrite as a Christian and hence neither of my parents are Christians and hence I never grew up in a Christian environment at home. Well I guess now you can look at me as a person who didn’t have much of a Christian upbringing except which I managed to attain myself; through no effort from my parents. What is this bulls*** of giving up my leadership role? My parents always work hard to shatter my interests, whether it be anime, games or even God as it seems.
Today I asked my dad to drive me home from Pennant Hills station at like 2:45pm. And he was like: “Nah I can’t be bothered, just wait and I’ll pick you up and then your bro from school.” Man I just wanted to get home and sleep and I get this lazy crap from him. It takes like 10 minutes to get to Normanhurst from my house by car, and yet he wanted to drive me all the way out there, wait for my bro and then drive home. I just wanted him to pick me up take me home and then go back out, was it too much to ask. “Oh no, I’m not making two trips.,” was his reply. And I also guess now that I have to learn to no longer depend on my parents for anything because frankly they are both hypocritical arrogant dicks who can’t do anything. To be obedient to them and do as they say is like suicide and yet to disobey is a sin against God; is God giving me a situation where sin is imminent?
Both my parents are very detrimental to my integrity in Christ. They always tempt me to sin by giving me stress, always making me feel bad and all. And my mum pestering me about my face everyday: “Omg Jason you have another pimple! Tsk tsk far out!” And it comes in day after day. And what does that create for me? A simple response: Yes I know I’m f***ing ugly alright! I know I’m so f***ing ugly that no-one can love me ever! and that is the mindset that gets instigated. All of that low self-esteem nature, all the negative thoughts and emotions in me, it’s clear now they all stem from these worthless human beings who claim to be my “parents” but hardly act like them. And what can I do?I shudder everytime I go home from school, knowing I’m going to come back to a place where within 5 minutes some old people can p*** me off majorly over something so small even Michael Jackson wouldn’t even consider “doing”.
But I want to break free from my parents’ grip. The only thing I feel I can do is try my best to lend support to people around me. I don’t like to boast about it but I do feel that I know, to a greater extent, what pain is and because I know how bad it feels,I don’t want to see the people I care about go through the same thing. I guess my resolve has always been that if I can’t live a happy life then I should try to give everyone else one. And so from this point on I still want to try and be as strong as I used to be, always putting on a smile, and always trying to lend as much support as I can. I would really hate to show weakness such as right now, but if I didn’t I would somehow break down crying in public and I can’t afford that.
I don’t know what I can do for others but I guess it I give my best into this then I might be able to leave an impact. But I guess I want to try and keep pressing on to give support even when I reach my limits because then to push past my limits simply means to be pushed over the edge, at which point hopefully my existence will become nothing more than a memory. I guess it’s hard to pretend everything is normal, and to fake it at times really tugs at the heart but I guess somehow I just want peace; and if I can only find it through death then I would rather die this way: supporting my friends as best as I can because even the Bible says that there is no greater love than when one lays his life down for his friends.