I suppose over the last two months a lot of stuff has happened; but then again none of this is actually part of my university lifestyle yet. This was all just an intermediate stage just to try and figure out what to expect. So despite what I said in my very first post for this blog, the real story has yet to start. So I guess the real beginning will commence once I get back from Hong Kong I guess, when suddenly the things I’ll be involved in this year will start to take shape. And only then can I evaluate how much progress I am making.
So as February dawns, my days in Australia turn to dusk and very soon I’ll be in Hong Kong for a few weeks. I always wanted time to getaway from everything around me; just so I can have time to reflect on everything in my life. I actually more wanted to getaway to a quiet and peaceful place (like a retreat), rather than be in noisy and busy Hong Kong. But that’s okay, I won’t have the Internet with me and being without that is practically getting away from a lot of things. Then it’ll give me time to go over the things that are to come once I return.
I think first and foremost is the people around me. Since high school things have changed, and are about to change again in university. In regards to my “Consistency” post, I want to use this time in Hong Kong to re-evaluate my relationship with everyone around me. These days I’ve been so confused as to how close I am to certain people and how far apart I am from others. I have been neglected by some and perhaps myself have been neglecting of others. So I need to work things out again, sit down and consider carefully the things that create strength in a friendship bond.
I think the foolish thing I’ve done is to assume that everything is still the same, by using the feelings I had back then. But those feelings I have are false now because circumstances have changed and my feelings no longer describe the relationship I have with some people. I have been lied to, deceived and betrayed and to those people my feelings have been shattered for them. They won’t know it, they probably won’t admit it either but I can testify that the “friendship” we once had is of no more. I can’t really trust those people anymore, I’ve lost my faith in them and the word “sorry” means nothing from them because there is no feeling behind it to convey their message. But I guess I can’t hate them, that should not be my response. The best I can do is try to forget everything, the good and the bad, to wipe the slate clean and start again. The hardest part of that is discarding those feelings that have become false; it’s hard to through away a feeling but hopefully I can pull it off. To me, they are no more than strangers that I may have been in contact with frequently in the past but they need to start off as nothing more. The only thing I won’t forget is the pain they caused, I can only keep it in the back of my heart. So from then on, I stand separate from them and have no intention of ever-trying to befriend them again – I fear that I may fail and once again be hurt. They may do as they wish; if they want to fix things I’m leaving things in their hands, I’ve given up my hope for them. But I will act fairly if they ask for a chance; I don’t want to be as inconsistent as they are.
But despite such harshness, most other people around me are not of this group I described above. There are many people I want to thank for staying consistent with me over these few months; if not becoming closer. I guess it’s these people that give me hope when I can come back because I feel with assurance that I can turn to them and that they’ll be the same as when I left. Thanks in particular to Shaz and Ness for commenting on my blog and sometimes chatting to me about life, puts a smile on me at night when I go to bed =)
Which group do you belong to? Think carefully over the last few months and remember what has happened between us. Forget meagre words because I discount them; words and feelings don’t build a relationship, they are merely a product. It is actions that determine how strong a bond is. That’s what I’m going to consider for everyone. And so if you do so too, you can work out which group you belong to. I would guess that those who can unswervingly say that we are friends, truly are friends. And for those who are unsure or hesitate, you might just be in that group my heart cowers from. I guess you’ll find out once I get back, huh?
Lifestyle-wise, I suppose somehow things are tied between university and church. At university I’ll be facing 18 hours of education a week, on every single weekday and starting at 9am nearly everyday. But then classes end early at like lunch time so I’m happy with that. I hope I’ll get used to waking up early, catching transport and everything. But yeah class scares me as to how much effort I should put into my education; whether I need to cram as in the HSC or laid back as in year 7.
But apart from education, there is so much more at university as well. I want to put first priority into the Christian group there, CBS. Not sure if I want to get involved in volunteer work as I already have “part-time” at church. Second priority goes to the other clubs I join. I want to pay particular attention to the Soccer club and then either Basketball or Tae Kwon Do. Leaning more towards Tae Kwon Do now because of time convenience. Just want to pick up more skills I guess. And then third priority goes to the Bridge and Anime clubs; a chance to flaunt my skills there. Although for Bridge I more want to develop professional playing skills and anime just because it’s my hobby.
And then we come to church. Now I’m an actual leader of my Bible Study group in my youth group and this would be my 3rd year of ministry although obviously it will be different because I know my pupils more closely than those at Soul Purpose. I’m going to have to leave that group out of my life for a while, better to let the year 12s run on their own. And apart from leading, there’s theology courses I need to do, other types of leader meetings, the university group to replace youth group, and then to my excitement: RICE leadership! At last our church will be part of it and I’ll stand as their representative; so a lot weighs on my shoulders for this year.
And then outside of university and church I’ll need to deal with staying in touch with friends,spending time to be consistent with the people around me. And also I’ll have to start discipling now, ever since “next generation”. I’ve found my “disciple” and at long last I can bring someone to church and it’s going to take a lot of my effort to raise him in Christ (yes a “him”), but I’m glad for the opportunity I guess.
Then we come to work; I own half a new tutoring college my aunt wants to open. She’s not sure how successful it will be but I’m already putting in a lot of effort to “write” the teaching material, which I’ll tell you is nearly beyond my ability. So if this doesn’t work out I’ll have to go back to private tutoring, write out ads and everything, but only after I work out when I have free time once everything settles down.
So a lot to come back to after Hong Kong. So for now I’ll leave this part of my life and we’ll end this “season” of my blog here for now. In the next three weeks my life will be taken into a “filler arc”, which means it won’t follow the “main storyline” but is still necessary for character development, which what I am about to undergo. I’ll probably have a few entries in if I can find the Internet there (I won’t be living in a place with access off course) so yeah.
The true “Counter-Break” will begin in March 2009.