Welcome everyone to Divine Iniquity’s 6th Tier; the 6th stage in my life. Let’s have a re-cap at some of the vital things that have lead me to this point in life:
High school is finally over and I have achieved a more than satisfactory result so the 6th tier will cover my university life and potentially a bit after that. Church has been going up and down for a while but I’ve felt that it’s been getting better for me now. Friends have become more strongly bonded together and we can continue to maintain our friendships as the years progress forward. And as for me personally, a few things have lightened up, being more able to do more useful things. My role/job in the Online Japanese Music Industry has begun to blossom but there’s still a long way to go. And then we also have this blog which you are reading now’; a new chance to wipe the slate and begin writing more tasteful things that might be helpful to more people.
Of course not everything has been uphilll; that would be ignorant. Although now realizing the futility of my family is going to help me understand why I have problems that persist and also guide me in a way to fix them. Just knowing that my parents have been a huge burden for me over the years helps me understand my inner-most fear and warn me whenever I might become a burden for my friends; ie. whenever I might break down from something that triggers a near-suicidal episode. Knowing I have no-one to closely rely on at least let’s me know what I need, and hence what I need to seek. And amongst my heightened depression all these years, my new found knowledge has surely come at a time when I need to find a way to climb out of the hole I’m sinking in.
I like to think of my life as an anime, being a huge fan of it. You have your typical hot-headed main character (me). Funny how my personality somewhat matches what a main character should be like: somewhat short-tempered at times, making mistakes at the worst of moments and nonetheless fighting on to another day. There have been many side characters in my life, but only enough to create a list of side characters in an anime. But that’s okay I guess because I can spend more time seeing how each side character (my friends I guess I could call them) develop as I grow with them.
As for the plotline, well, I’ve had enough good days and bad days to build a variety of episodes; enough extreme and restless situations where it’s just one punch after the other; some of them being hurtful but others being rather exciting yet tiring at the end. And then you have the occasional romantic moment or two though I can say that the previous stage of my life hasn’t experienced much of it, fair enough since the 4th stag of my life nearly turned me upside down with fruitless toils.
But now as I progress to this adulthood age, it’s time to make the storyline progress and let something be done about the complication I’ve had since the beginning. This is why I title this part of my life, the sixth tier, “The Counter Break”. It’s probably time for me to build back from my troubles and break free from suppression. This part of my life should see me trying to gain what I never had in the first place, but wishing I had; the things that my parents never gave me that everybody else has. Feeling down everyday over what I lacked only made me feel more miserable; nothing productive. Perhaps in “The Counter Break” I’ll be able to get back up. Being older means more opportunities and being able to do a few more things that I couldn’t do if I was younger.
But then of course it’s more of a “break or be broken” situation though. There’s no guarantee that I’ll succeed in fighting back. And who knows, I might end up “fading away” like I originally planned to. But if I were to do that know what sort of storyline would that be? But realistically speaking, I can see myself meeting that kind of end although not anytime soon. The future is still too blurry.
So for everyone reading this I hope you don’t view my life with ignorance and pretend that I’m a “normal” person because I so am not. I present my problem and that should let you understand the detrimental effects it has on me; I have yet to fully grasp my problems myself; but don’t anyone ever over-estimate me because I have limits that I prefer not to pushed beyond, I fear what lies beyond them. And let no-one underestimate me either for my fighting burns within me, sometimes more strongly than at other times but nevertheless I still have a fighting chance in this life. Now this makes for a good anime huh? Action, Romance, Spirituality, Death. You couldn’t pack anymore stuff into my life at the moment.